Idioma I saw Evangelion for the first time when I was nine. This is what I thought of it and

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    Animus Iocandi Avatar de edefakiel
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    I saw Evangelion for the first time when I was nine. This is what I thought of it and

    I saw Evangelion for the first time when I was nine. This is what I thought of it and how it broke me.

    First of all, yes, I am sure that I was nine, it was the summer of 2002, the emission was a huge deal in the local TV (Canal 2 Andalucía) and you can still find information about it in the internet.


    I have always had lucid dreams, even today is not difficult for me to induce them, but back when I was nine I had them every night, maybe because of that, it was very difficult to me to distinguish between fantasy and reality.
    In general, I have always been an strange kid, very asocial and introspective, it was difficult for me to understand the other fellas, literally, I was always struggling to comprehend what they were saying or what their actions meant, therefore I believed that I was mentally disable. When I was eight, my father took me to a psychologist because I was getting bad grades and I was always involved in fights and troubles, like this time they found out that I was threatening one child to kill his parents and burn his house down in order to convert him into my minion or that other time that I ended up putting a chain in the throat of another boy just to make him bark and bite the legs of the nuns of my school.


    Surprisingly, the psychologist found that I had a really high IQ and they all assume that my problems were caused by an insufficient education. So they put me into an advanced class, far away of my few friends, and I became an insufferable arrogant bighead. In this context, where my isolation was almost complete, I spent many of my days alone, the course finally ended and I discovered Evangelion.


    By this time, my favorite shows were Gargoyles and Slayers, both of them I considered to be dark and complex, especially when compared with Dragon Ball and Captain Tsubasa, which were the preferred shows between the boys my age. But they never obsessed me. When I first saw Evangelion, for the very first episode, it was completely different, I was hooked up. The complex world of my imagination was replaced by the world of Evangelion instantaneously. First it was the violence, I was thrilled by that amount of blood and desperation, later it was Shinji, he was like me, isolated, carried away by the circumstances. But I broke with Rei.


    Rei was the first love of my life. I was one of these kids that are disgusted by the presence of girls, they were always trying to be girlfriends with me and we played pre-sexual games like mom and dad, got naked and touch each other and so on, but I had always found them stupid and utterly annoying and have ended up beating them or getting them naked in front of people as a punishment for being dirty and whorish. But Rei was different, she was like an angel in my eyes… So calm, so empty, so non human. For the first time, I empathized with someone else, she was broken inside and I was willing to take care of her. I needed to heal her.


    Another thing that affected me was the presence of religious imagery in the show. I was raised as a catholic, but I was doubtful, I liked the stories in the bible and the art, even the mass, but I wasn’t convinced about the presence of God. In fact, I was very scared sometimes, because I had never heard about atheism and I believed that I was the first one in realizing that God didn’t exist.


    Since I was like five, my only desire every time that I blew candles or that I saw a shooting star was: I want to become God. Back then I believed that I was some kind of reincarnation of a demon, who became human after failing in his attempt to reach the empty throne of God. This was the origin I adjudge to my “superior intelligence” and my “evil personality”. Evangelion was a signal that I created to myself just to force me to try again becoming God, because the only way to make that world real was by obtaining unlimited power.


    The final episodes were an allegory of that in my limited understanding. I could choose life, or I could kill myself to enter that reality by becoming God. That was the meaning of the human instrumentality project, the realization that I could create any reality by dying, that I could start again every time that I wanted to, that I could live permanently in my dreams just suppressing this sick reality that I suffered when I was awake.


    Two years later, I found the VHS of The End of Evangelion in a mall. And I realized that the end was my punish for not accepting death and this world. I understood that, by seeing Rei floating in the sea, Shinji realized the mistake he had made, and then tried to kill Asuka in pure regret of his decision. So I thought that she was disgusted by the debility of Shinji, who was unable to either keep living or to kill her, and she regrets being alive too.
    In my still childish imagination, I thought that both Asuka and Shinji were missing the happiness that they found in the interior of the LCL; they only took the decision to exist because the souls of their mothers were able to guide both of them (as my mother gave birth to me as a mere human being, the ultimate chastisement), but no one else was going to be able to emerge from the sea of souls, they were all trapped in this life-less destroyed world.


    That's why they were disappointed, that's why he made the tomb for Misato. That's why she is disgusted, that's why he went crazy after seeing Rei. Rei represents the possibility of happiness that he have lost.
    So I experienced the first real depression of my life. The chance had passed, I rejected the union with this world, and I was all alone again. So these were my impressions as a nine and eleven years old kid. Pretty crazy and dark, but I hope that also funny or interesting somehow. (Prepared to be massively downvoted). I fell in love with another TV character some years latter: Effy Stonem. But this is another story.

    English is not my main language so sorry for the many, many mistakes that I sure have unwillingly committed.

  2. #2
    Tu biega me debe dineros Avatar de unoquepasa
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    ¿Has aprendido a usar el Traductor de Google, Alberto? Me alegro.

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    Animus Iocandi Avatar de edefakiel
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    Cita Iniciado por unoquepasa Ver mensaje
    El mensaje está oculto porque el usuario está en tu lista de ignorados.
    ¿Has aprendido a usar el Traductor de Google, Alberto? Me alegro.
    ¿Tan mal está? En reddit me mienten diciéndome que escribo bien .

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    ForoParalelo: Miembro Avatar de TheChadGo
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    Your level it's at least good and it's far away from what you could get if you would have use a translator, don't pay attention to comments that doesn't even try to write in the same language you are using. In regards to the topic, your text it's really interesting, but it's quite amusing that at age 9 you hadn't heard anything about atheism, maybe the reason why is the place you were raised or your family's religious belief, for me it's just strange.

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    Animus Iocandi Avatar de edefakiel
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    Cita Iniciado por TheChadGo Ver mensaje
    El mensaje está oculto porque el usuario está en tu lista de ignorados.
    Your level it's at least good and it's far away from what you could get if you would have use a translator, don't pay attention to comments that doesn't even try to write in the same language you are using. In regards to the topic, your text it's really interesting, but it's quite amusing that at age 9 you hadn't heard anything about atheism, maybe the reason why is the place you were raised or your family's religious belief, for me it's just strange.
    Well, years later I found out that my father had been an atheist all along; but every time I asked him about the existence of God, he just told me that he didn't know. I first heard about atheism when, time after, a new teacher call me an atheist in front of the class, I was completely amazed.

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